It's just so complicated sometimes...(don't read this)

Seriously don’t read this…I’m dead serious.

I am the type of person who likes to complain…A LOT. And the sad thing is I really don’t have anything to complain about. In fact, I am really blessed to have the things in life that I do. I’m blessed to have the family I have, and the friends I have, and all that jazz, but I feel like I need to complain about every little thing in my life that goes wrong.

I am really lucky to have a mom who works at the local college, but as many good things as it brings, it does have its bad moments. On the good side, I get a 75% discount when I go there. On the bad side, I HAVE to go there. No matter how much I want to go to either UCLA of UC of Berkley, I have to go to the local college. It’s the only sensible thing for me to do. Another good thing is that I’ve grown up at the college so I know people meaning that I got two jobs up there usually just for college students when I was 16. Another bad thing would be that I get the joy of walking through the dormitories during winter break to listen for running water or unwanted alarms. Since the students are away for three weeks, the dorms are left untended and the managers, and lucky me, their families, have to go and make sure that everything is up to standards. Why they can’t have the housekeepers do this, I don’t know. The lovely housekeepers are after all always complaining about not having enough hours anyway, so you’d think they’d be more than happy to do it. Not really. They would probably be just as excited about going as I am.

Not that I don’t mind going up to the college and walking through the dark, creepy, lonely hallways with silence and nothing but doors surrounding me. I mean, it’s a great way to waste away my vacation. And my mom gets paid for it. I should probably say now that it wouldn’t be a big deal that I didn’t want to go walk with my mom and dad if it wasn’t for the fact that the money was going towards my trip this summer to L.A. So now I feel really guilty that I am trying to get out of it. Not that getting out of it is really working.

I hate trying to make plans with people.
-Maybe a sleepover tonight that we have been planning for almost a week?

Sure, until that night comes and unless it’s me calling the shots and making the plans than it won’t happen.
-Well let’s just get together for an hour!
-Great we can’t do it at my place how about yours?
-I’d rather not, thanks. (I hate having people over at my house since it is really small and nothing can be kept private.)

Okay, so maybe that isn’t how it goes, but it really feels like it is. It’s my fault for trying to be a leader every time that I get into a group. And then when it comes to plans, I don’t want to actually go through with them because I am afraid of commitment and unless I know weeks in advanced that something is coming, I get to afraid to plan it. Okay, this entire paragraph was nothing but a senseless mess. So basically because I’m not trying to get a hold of anyone and lay down the law, things are falling apart. My phone is currently off and I am refusing to even make any sort of plans because they aren’t want I wanted to happen. I guess I’m just some spoiled brat? I need things to go my way or they can’t go at all. Yeah, that’s pretty much how it goes.

Point? I am trying to get out of walking the dorm rooms with my parents to sleep over at my friends house tonight, but I don’t want to sleepover at my friends house because the plans are falling through in crazy amounts of chaos. So basically I am complaining about the fact that everything is actually quite okay in my life. Since I really deep down don’t want to go out with my friends tonight. And I really do want to go help my parents out in the gross dorm halls that I hate. So it all works out? It’s just really frustrating to want to do something with your friends and in the end have it just completely go the opposite way. I guess that is what I get for having the friends that I have. It’s just a guaranteed thing. Basically the only reason that my life is so complicated is because I am bipolar. I can’t deny it much longer honestly. I am just happy one minute, sad the next, stand offish (is offish a word?) later. *sigh* welcome to my life.

Current music: ALL CAPS
Current project: Finishing the 3rd Harry Potter book…again.
Youtube video you should see: lumos flies